PILLOW TALK : THE ART OF “PUSSIFICATION”
Mama Gena taught us the art. Now it’s time to put ourselves to bed while making pleasure the priority…
It’s the middle of summer: hot, sticky and almost everything feels sexy (okay, if you live in NY maybe not the smell of melting garbage but you know what we mean…) The days are fueled by fire and the chase for what feels good, simply because it feels good, is front and center. Melted ice cream cones, juicy stone fruits, exposed skin glistening with sweat, music blasting from cars with windows rolled down. We spend the days naturally more connected to heightened sensuality during the hottest season of the year and when night comes, we can channel that stirred energy and turned-on-ness into our evening, creating routines for any season of our life.
Sexual energy is one of the most potent forces on the planet. Many lineages across time have revered sexual energy as the direct link to vitality. Whether you’re partnered or solo, lighting a proverbial fire in life can help shift the mundane to magical and also develop a deeper connection to your own experience of pleasure.
I remember the first time I picked up Regena's book, Pussy, A Reclamation. A few friends recommended it to me and I tossed the idea of reading it aside until one day I realized I was more stressed than happy and something needed to change. I was ready for something to turn the light on in my life - everything felt dull and grey and like every single day was the same.
Once I started reading the book, I realized I had spent a large part of my adulthood denying myself of pleasure. Of course, I had hot dates and steamy nights. But what I'm talking about is personal pleasure: choosing to live a life where I made choices because they felt GOOD and ultimately allowed me to feel absolutely powerful.
While reading Pussy is a must, a great place to start is by reimagining the very rituals we do every single day, especially at night which itself is a sensual time to reconnect to ourselves. What if we looked at turning down for the evening as an exploration of pleasure, taking mundane tasks like quickly washing our faces, begrudgingly brushing our teeth, scrolling the phone, and then turning off the lights and turning them into something more delicious?
While sometimes falling into bed is the most pleasurable thing we can do after a long day, it’s about, as put in author Regena Thomashauer’s words, “pussifying” the mundane and making life more pleasurable. Adding the practice of “pussification” to our evening routines invites inspiration to turn our nights into a series of expansive, juicy moments that reset our nervous system, help balance hormones and make our skin glow, and tune us into our sensual life force. So, schedule a night to yourself with the only agenda item being: observe what brings you pleasure. And like a powerful orgasm knocks you out into wildly restful sleep, we hope this list of ideas activates your sensual fire and then lulls you into satisfying, regenerative slumber.
Image: Orchid comb + diadem by René Lalique, 1904
“Too often we don’t take the time to make ourselves feel good. We are so involved in making others feel good that we neglect to put attention on ourselves. Pussification is the practice of taking the time to do small (or large!) things for yourself, for no other reason than to make yourself feel good. It’s making the space for yourself in everything you do … Pussification sends a new message to the parts of you that learned you were not worth the time. It says I am important enough to take time for.”
- REGENA THOMASHAUER
Sensuality is the art of being in touch with our senses. The way we smell, how our clothes feel agains our body, the way we touch ourselves and those we adore + love…Living a sensual life is developing a relationship to our senses at any moment of the day. Arouse your olfactory senses, and seek out a scent for your home that makes your space feel multidimensional. Lately, we’re loving Bodha’s smokeless incense, especially in Ground. While your space begins to fill with the subtle, earthy blend of Hinoki, Cedarwood, and Frankincense—activating your sense of smell—put on your favorite music to activate hearing, then move on to stimulate your physical sense of touch. Whether alone or with a partner, there is nothing more electrifying than massaging oils on to skin. Remember, your skin reflects what is going on internally and if we set the intention to take care of it as if each night is our own personal spa, our skin will reflect all that extra TLC. For an extra luxurious, sensual experience of loving on your skin, we're obsessed with African Botanics Neroli-infused Marula Face Oil. It smells absolutely divine, courtesy of aromatic, intoxicating neroli blossoms. All you need is a few drops and few minute minutes of lush massage to feel transported into another realm, with glowing skin of course.
Image: Courtesy of Kye Intimates instagram: @shereenmuhmmad
by @__carolyne__ for @NoonJewelry creative by @rylopes
While it's always fun to galavant naked around the house all evening, feeling our bodies and celebrating our physical beauty, sometime slipping into really nice underwear can feel just as liberating. We feel sexy in almost anything from Kye Intimates; they’re soft , see-through, and really let your body do the talking. It's love at first wear. Take the time to admire and adore yourself in the mirror with these on. Rather than waiting for someone else to tell us we are beautiful, when we take the time to do it ourselves and cut out the need for external validation, our lives will transform right before our own eyes… Make it FUN! Light some candles, lounge around like Venus, watch an old movie. We promise you will feel transformed at first wear.
Image: Courtesy of Chakrubs instagram: photo by @chrissstttiiine and @christophersturm
Our physical bodies are roadmaps to pleasure. And touch, one of the most erotic of the five senses, has the power to transform us almost instantaneously. The beauty of physical pleasure is that we don’t need to be with a partner to experience it; we can absolutely seduce ourselves and have a night (or many) to remember. Bringing toys into the bedroom invites a more curious, playful, and aroused experience where we can explore not only our senses but our deeper desires. We love almost anything from Chakrubs. However, it’s this tool that recently caught our eye after learning of the healing powers of daily breast massage from the Queen of Tantric Arts, Birjiwan Kaur. Our nipples are made of the same tissue as the clitoris—which has more than 8,000 nerve endings, divinely designed for pleasure purposes. Stimulating breast tissue releases oxytocin a.k.a. the love hormone, along with prolactin, which makes our breasts nice and plump, and estrogen, which is essential for hormone balance. Energetically, breasts tend to harbor a lot of pent-up energy, as you can think of breast swelling with PMS symptoms and both the Liver meridian and the Heart chakra all make their way through this center. Gently massaging is not only stimulating and sexually arousing, but healing as well. If you want to take it to the next level, we also invite you to turn yourself on full throttle with Foria’s CBD Arousal oil designed to enhance sensitivity and increase pleasure sensations to your vulva. From there, it’s all about self-exploration and full-body presence.
Image: Ondines (Sea Nymphs) plate, René Lalique
Your desires in life are of utmost importance. Keep them top of mind as you fall asleep - which helps to imbed them into the subconscious mind as we drift into the unconscious during sleep - by reciting your vision aloud before you close your eyes. Like casting a spell, there’s reverent power in you speaking aloud your desires, which stimulates your subconscious mind. Doing this regularly will create a thought habit which as Napoleon Hill says, “will transmute desire into its physical equivalent.” Put your pen to paper and write the statement, “I am so happy and grateful now that ...” Make it JUICY. Mixing your vision with emotion, the kind that makes you feel turned on and excited for it to happen, is the elixir to seeing it manifest into physical form. Read aloud what is in your mind’s eye as if you already have it. Try this for a few weeks and see what unfolds...